The Love Guru!(Review)

                                                   Micheal Myers did it again,danggit. He played another role in another funny movie and nailed it. *applause* Now,since its release about..3 days ago,it’s doing horrible in the box office. You’d think that people would eat this movie up,but..it’s not gotten as much money as expected. People are even calling it offensive,stating that it’s offensive to the Indian audience. Although,I think they’re just saying that to start news and riots in India..but,that’s just me. Ok,well..here’s your review. Tell ME how you think this deserves all the crap it’s getting.

 

                                                   Ok,so this pretty much starts in a small Indian village,where Guru Pitka(Mike Myers) decides to come back to America to compete against his old friend,the most popular Indian in America. Pitka is found by a hockey coach(Jessica Alba)seeking help to relationship problems with their star player to save their chances from becoming second in The Stanley Cup once more. They’ll give him 2 million dollars and an Opera-worthy story for Pitka as long he gets their star hockey player and his ex-girlfriend back together. Doing this,Pitka has his chance to be on Opera,and doing that,he has the chance to become the Number One-Most Liked Indian In America. Sounds pretty easy AND beneficial to Pitka,right? Wrong. With more hilarious turns on Pitka’s all-too-great life that affects the remainder of it,you’ll laugh all the way to the credits. Maybe even past that,I don’t know. But what I do know is if you like Myers in his old films,you’ll definitly enjoy watching this new installment in his humurous history. I’d slap a 4 out of 5 on this and a BRING AN EXTRA SET OF CLOTHES BEFORE VIEWING sticker on it. Although,for now,just enjoy the trailer. 

                                                       Anyway,I really do advise watching this movie if you’re into completely,100% Mike Myers humor. Aside from the bad reviews,this movie is a pretty good installment into Myer’s collection of great movies. Again,don’t always trust the media.

 

                                                                       -TS

Things I’ve Been Pondering On..

                                           Alright,so..last night was a 1960’s horrorfest,buut..it gave me something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. Parents,the “responsible adult”, are always supposibley making “the best choice” for us teenagers,right? I never really see that. Honestly,I’ve seen rules that are “the best choice” for them. It seems as if, parents bend rules around the way they want us to turn out. Not the way indivuduals want to turn out for themselves,but for the way their “responsible adult” decide to. The parents try to plan out what they want out of their “kid”,making it seem like that’s the best plossible choice for the kid. No. That’s probably the worst choice for an indivudual. Meaning,their own person. Bending them to be just like you is totally and ultimately the wrong choice. Although,the parents think that just because you’re not exactly old enough to be a legal adult means absoulutely NOTHING. The “irresponsible juvenile” as parents think of it, could be more responsible than the crappy parent themselves. Like,take my father for example. He feeds off money from my grandma,my foster grandma,and even me. I’ve stopped giving him money,telling him he’s already taken too much. I’m not even in contact with my father anymore,and I don’t plan on it. Anyway,the parents are usually in the wrong here,is what I’m saying,when they think that they need to make ALL of your decisions. Some parents give out rules that make no sense and no reinforcement behind them. Like,take for example, Hitler. “Kill all the Jews.” Why? “Because I said so.” I’ve heard that countless times and if your going to make a rule,do it with reason. This method is extremely similar to our government in power. Laws and rules are enforced with no point or reason. Just because they’re power greedy,and it feels good to be in charge,right? If you enforce power and rule amongst the pointless losses,you’re government is lost,starving,and bent under your thumb just how you  want them to be,am I correct? The same runs along exactly  the same line as parenting. If you’re going to make your kid the plossible version of themselves,let them be them. Not you. If you’re going to set rules that are better for them,give them reason and point to their morals. If that was done,I think we’d have a much better society than this filth today.

 

                                                              -TS

Ok,So I’m Satan?!

                                             Alright,today has been a pretty crappy day anyway. So,I come home,get on the computer,start talking to my cousin(Alex) to see if I can over tomorrow,and then all of a sudden he starts flipping out. I asked him what was wrong,and he said that my two aunts that were staying with him(which I really try hard to be nice to)say I’m Satan! They said I’m a good kid,but a bad kid. What is that supposed to mean,exactly? Anyway,they said that I’m too unsupervised,and I might do something psychotic to my aunt’s house or something stupid while she’s gone. So,if I’m by myself too much,I’m the devil? Yeah,and it doesn’t end there. Then,they start saying my SIXTEEN year old cousin isn’t responsible enough to stay alone with me. Hmmm..paranoid much?

                                       God,isn’t society already screwed up enough?

                                              

                                                              -TS

Hellsing!Vampires,Tons of Blood,and A Good Story=Perfect

                                                  Ok,so browsing around,I found a great anime called Hellsing. It’s kind of old,but great nonetheless. It’s full of violent,bloody vampire fights,with freakin’ awesome characters. I’ve only seen the first episode and I’m hooked already.

                                                Hellsing doesn’t really have a certain protanagist,although it seems as if the two most important characters are Seras and Alucard(incedintally Dracula backwards). Now,Alucard is a member from this organization called Hellsing(led by a human,ironically),which is an organization full of vampires that hunt down supernatural threats. Alucard eventually has to kill and turn Seras into a member of Hellsing. Hellsing is pretty much,ultimately,about the organization of vampires fighting off the dark vampires that are AGAINST society and the human race. For now,that’s all I know,and I’ll inform you readers of when I get more-but for now,I’d really advice watching it if you’re into bloody,violent,and mature anime. I’d slap a 15+ on it due to all the violence(which is pretty much the best part).

 

                                                  Looks awesome,I’m starting it and I’ll get back to you on the subject when I’m finished,but for now,I’m tuning into the next 13 episodes of Hellsing.

                                                          -TS

When You Least Expect It,Steve Carrel Pops Up..

                                         For those of you who happen to know of Steve Carell,know he’s freakin’ hilarious by the movies he plays in and the way he does his parts. Those of you who don’t need to be b-slapped by a taco. Anyway,Carrel popped up in this new,pretty freakin’ funny looking movie called *clears throat*    

Get Smart! *lets off fireworks*

                             So,this is pretty much another one of those spy movies that honestly don’t really have a story. It does,but in the same sense doesn’t. From what I got,this newly promoted spy,Maxwell Smart,and another agent attempt to infiltrate and find out what the pancake taco’s goin’ on with their *checks microphone* ENEMIES. That’s pretty much all I know for now,besides the release date in June.

                                   Anyway,looks pretty good. I definitly suggest it for a movie to watch in June. Unless you’re some kind of Hitler worshiper and don’t like fun. Or you’re a bloodthristy six year old. Either one,and you’ll soon be seeing a koala ninja at your doorstep.

                                                   -TS

*gasp* *gasp*…..Bloodthirty…Six..Year Olds,Sorry…

                              Sorry. I’ve spent the last two horrible days avoiding trecherous..deadly..bloodthirsy six year olds. I somehow knew that they would be protecting the DVD. Something that magical and golden wouldn’t be bought that easily. After fighting heaps of those freakin’ little demons with the last,crappy game disc of Final Fantasy 7. Surprisingly,the crappiness of it burnt them to a freakin’ crisp. It was awesome.

                                         So,I finally bought Meet the Spartans-Unrated Pit of Death,BiiiHHiiZOCH!. The bonus features were awesome,as are the deleted scenes. I spent from 10PM-about 5AM watching them all. Getting yelled at later for falling asleep while mowing the yard was totally freakin’ worth it.

                                     Anyway,if I was to make 20 bucks,I’d definitly advice blowing it on this. I’d slap a 5 outta 5 and a WATCH 300 BEFORE VIEWING sticker on it.

                                                               -TS

Will Smith..Throwing a Freakin’ Whale?!

Ok,so I was just randomly watching TV one day..and little did I know,I stepped upon something wonderful.Golden.Flipping through the endless channels of Dish,I found,in the begining,what I thought was just another boring or another freakin’ useless male enhancement  commercial. Instead of either of them,was Will Smith throwing a whale. Immediately I ventured on this information and found the movie was called Hancock,and it’s release date is in July.

                                        Hancock is pretty much a bum. He has no home and no cash. Although he’s a freakin’ awesome superhero, when he saves people, he pretty much destroys anything around the villany. He helps,yeah-but his people start a secret mutiny against him when he saves the life of an executive named Ray Embrey. He finds Hancock’s weakness,and for Will,things go straight downhill. He’s soon arrested and sent as a real time superhero controled by the government.

                                                     Now,I don’t know much more than that,so until July,here’s your bizzotchin’ trailer.

Mwhaahaaa!Meet the Spartans..On DVD!*gasp*

There’s a movie out there..friendly for all families,very safe for minor vision. It’s educational and intresting at the same time,blending the fantastic taste of ancient Greek history and the comforting entertainment of the family nights. This epic movie is called..Meet the Spartans, bizzoch! For those of you who haven’t drifted your eyes on this masterpiece need to be dipped in acid. It’s in my own vote for the Best Movie I’ve Ever Seen In My Pathetic Life award.

                                      Okay,so it’s pretty much a random parody of a bunch of movies and shows including *gasp,could it be?* the movie 300. From what I’ve seen in the small,crowded theater that’s just about as local as it gets, this movie is freakin’ hilarious in every plossible way and well put together. If you haven’t seen it yet,I’d grab it while it’s on DVD now,unless you want Chuck Norris to Texas Ninja Kick you ten times to teach you not  to miss awesome movies like that. Although,this Unrated Pit of Death edition promises to give more to the movie and hours of Zeus-worthy bonus features.

                                                 

                                                     As soon as I get the cash,I’m hunting down that movie and getting it even if it means fighting little creepy,pyschotic,6 year old killing machines.Trust me,those things are pretty blood thirsty.*shudders due to thinking of last Chistmas*

 

                                                  -TS

My First Post-Taaadaa!

So,I guess this is my first post of The Suffocation.*takes deep breath*,so..

                    If anyone decides to read this,it’s pretty much about things that I find important..which includes the magnificent Random Crap*sudden fireworks appear in the sky*.Random Crap includes anything that happens to be on my mind at the time.My mind usually twists out alot of random stuff,so don’t worry..plenty to read(in case of the event in which you readers get bored).

                                              So,I’m attempting to leave this open to just about any subject,so try and stay with me here.I’m pretty much not going for much.Just to entertain ^^.

 

                                                                         -TS